Blog Archive

On being a freak

Everytime I finish a project, whether it’s a proposal or a completed work, I get all analytical and usually decide that the end result is shit. The last three books I’ve written? I hated every word. I labored over each sentence, wanting it perfect. By the end, I was absolutely convinced it was the most horrid thing I’d ever written. I threw them aside, turned them in and wouldn’t go back to them until it was absolutely necessary.

And then a most amazing thing happened. Weeks on as I was forced to reopen the story and begin reading or editing, I was struck by the fact that it wasn’t as horrible as I feared. In fact, it was quite good. Of course then I began freaking because I tell myself that it’s a protective measure. I’m deluding myself because the alternative is admitting you wrote shit. Do you see the no win outcome I’m strangling myself with?

This is why it’s so important, SO important to have people who will tell you the absolute truth and who aren’t afraid to say “yep, it’s shit.” I get positively all gooey inside when Amy tells me that I’ve just written crap because it makes the times when she says “wow this is really good” all the better.

So this morning, I’m celebrating, sorta. Because my agent, who is very good about telling me when something isn’t working, loved my proposal. I had some concerns about it. Concerns that had me tweaking one of the chapters and rearranging. But even as I read it, I really liked it and I hoped that it would work because I didn’t have the heart to make drastic changes.

I’m really tempted, REALLY tempted, to take the day off but I have other proposals to write and a good reward for the first one would be to write a kickass second one. :guitar: